Analyzing and negotiating
Soft Skills That Close Real Estate Deals: Tone, Body Language, Anchors
Anchors, loose mirroring, eye contact, and uptones versus downtones: the soft skills that decide whether your owner meetings turn into deals.
Two people can sit in the same meeting and say the exact same words. One walks out with a relationship and a path to a deal. The other walks out with nothing. The difference isn't the script. It's everything wrapped around the script.
Related reading: The Owner Meeting Script That Gets You Off-Market Deals
This is part two of the sales, negotiating and marketing masterclass: the soft skills for how to actually negotiate deals. In part one we covered booking the meeting, because you need more at-bats. When I learned those skills, I went from low six figures to multi-six figures in sales just from booking more meetings. More opportunities, more meetings, that's awesome. But once you're in the meeting, what makes the meeting fantastic?
In the next video I'll give you the talk tracks: the actual questions and the format of the owner meeting. But this is the real meat of it. If I engage in the meeting and say the same things you do, but I say it differently than you do and my body language is different than yours, I will outsell you by a huge margin.
I've bought $35 million of real estate and sold over $10 million of it, both for myself and as a real estate broker. I sold for the CoStar Group. I've done hundreds of millions of dollars of contract value in marketing contracts, sales contracts, data contracts: I've even done it in apparel. I've sold a ton of product across industries, and these skills translate one to one, perfectly, to real estate.
So you've booked the meeting. You're sitting in front of the seller. Here are the soft skills you need.
Set an Anchor at the Start of the Meeting
Your conversation is going to follow a story arc. That's so important if you're trying to sell anything. There's an overarching beginning and end, and we call the tie-in an anchor.
In the movie The Wolf of Wall Street, there's a point where Matthew McConaughey is beating his chest, chanting, teaching Jordan Belfort (played by DiCaprio) about sales. Later in the film he brings that same chest beat and chant back. That's designed to snap you back to the front of the movie and remind you of all the character development in between. It's a tie-in. Movies use anchors because anchors work.
You need an anchor point in your meeting. Yes, there's a verbal agenda where you go over what the meeting is going to entail, but there's also a piece of story in it.
In part one I talked about telling a story that uses a specific fact to ask a general question. My example was retiring my wife, which was my actual goal. I'd bought a couple of duplexes. She had recently been injured at work, so my goal of retiring her one day through duplexes needed to be accelerated. So my reason for the call was that I'm reaching out specifically to people who have done the thing I want to do: they've bought bigger real estate, and maybe they can help me move faster. That makes a ton of sense to the person on the other end.
Then I reiterate that point when I sit down in the meeting:
"Thank you so much. I've been working on this for a while. I've bought these couple of duplexes, and it means the world to me that you're sitting down with me, because you've done what I want to do. I believe that if I buy larger buildings, they have more tenants, and with more rentals there's more top line, and with more top line there's more bottom line. At the end of the day I need to make more money, which means I believe I need to do bigger deals. You are doing bigger deals than me, in the market I want to do them in. So I want to ask you a few questions today."
That's setting your anchor while setting your verbal agenda, in the same breath.
Body Language: Mirror Loosely, and Don't Be a Weirdo
I'm going to keep this very 101, because you don't need to go much past 101 to be way better than everyone else in this space.
General mirroring. This does not mean copying everyone. They cross their leg, you cross your leg. They fold their arms, you fold your arms. No. Generally speaking, if they're talking and they're laid back, I'm not going to copy it immediately, but I'm noting it: okay, they're a little reclined and I'm leaning forward: that's a little out of sync. So as we talk, I'll slowly lay back a bit and match their general posture. If their hands are clasped, at some point I'll probably have my hands together too.
Loosely mirror them. Don't copy them. People will notice, you'll look like a weirdo, and you'll be thinking so hard about your body language that you stop listening. Just notice what they're doing throughout the conversation and loosely copy it with about a five to ten second delay.
Outside of that: do not take notes during this meeting. Note takers are distracted. You're not engaged with me if you're writing.
Eye contact is key. Look at those eyes. I want to see those eyes when you're talking to me.
If I'm loosely mirroring your body language, I'm looking at you, I'm giving good eye contact, we're having a great conversation, and we've already set an anchor point: now we're just telling a story along the storyline, asking questions and learning things.
Let them do about 80% of the talking to your 20%. You should be asking a lot of questions about how they built their business: individual stories, individual property stories. How did you buy this specific property? What did the partnership structure look like when you got started? What was the most expensive mistake you made, because I don't want to make that one, and I'm trying to learn from as many people as I can. Who do I need to meet with next?
Those are all great questions, and we go deeper on them in the next video.
Uptones and Downtones: The Two Tonalities I Use 95% of the Time
As you go through the flow, especially once you start talking about a deal, this made a world of difference for me: tonality.
There are about six or seven tonalities I use all the time in sales, but there are two I use 95% of the time. Get these right and you're going to make a lot more money. They're uptones and downtones.
An uptone invites more response. If I want to negotiate, or I want to instigate an open-ended question, I want to get them talking, I want to build energy: that's an uptone.
A downtone is for a fixed point. Say we get through a deal. "That deal would work well for me, however the price is going to have to be 800,000." That doesn't invite more response. That's a fact. It is what it is. It will be 800,000.
Compare it to: "I could probably do 800,000: I may be open to more if you're willing to be a little bit creative with financing?" That's exaggerated when I demo it, I wouldn't usually have that level of voice crack, but you get the point. If you're willing to get creative with financing, that would be interesting invites a response. Whereas "I can't do that type of financing, this needs to be very specific, this is where the deal works for me" is a downtone: flat, final.
So as I run a meeting, I'm laying uptones and downtones throughout. If I'm stating a fact, it's a downtone: I'm trying to retire my wife. If I'm opening a door, it goes up: Now how I do this is going to depend very much on the strategies that I follow: I'm really curious how you got started? Up, up, and down.
Why Most People Fail in the Meeting
What most people do is focus entirely on the words. So you're sitting there, your body language is a little stiff, and you're thinking: how does this owner meeting go again? I haven't done this in a while. Where do my hands usually go? "Uh, hey, uh, I'm: I'm looking to retire my wife, uh, she has been..." You're looking off, feeling awkward, and monotone.
Get into their eyes. Relax the shoulders. Uptones, downtones. Have some animation, have some fun with it.
"My wife got injured." Fact. "I have been looking for ways to accelerate my investing strategy. I bought a couple of duplexes. I'm curious how you got started in buying bigger buildings?"
Now they have an opportunity to talk. It's that simple.
If you're the one person who's going to comment that this is the most simple thing you've ever heard and this is stupid advice: you're probably the same person who's going to monotone blather your way through one of these meetings. This is the secret sauce people don't focus on.
How to Practice This Before You Ever Sit Down With an Owner
Here's how you master it: do this when you order food at a restaurant. Do this when you talk to baristas at Starbucks. When you're out in public, practice uptones and downtones. Be animated.
When you say a sentence, ask yourself: did I say that with conviction? Does my voice go up and down? Does my volume stay the same all the time, or am I a little quieter when I'm thinking and a little louder when I'm animated? You're not yelling in anyone's face, but you get the point. Be a little more animated. Speak with your body. Let your voice go up and down.
Just focus on that and you're better than 99.9% of people.
Yes, there are more tonalities you can use. You can go learn them: read Jordan Belfort, though actually listen to it on audio, because it's really hard to read about tonality. I lace a ton of tonalities through my pacing and the way I talk. But at the end of the day, if you're the person who's really engaged, has great body language, and can hold a conversation with enough emphasis in their voice that it's clear when you're making a statement versus asking a question, you're going to go farther than most people.
Key Takeaways
- Set an anchor early: your why, told as a story, which you'll tie back to at the end of the meeting.
- Mirror posture loosely, on a five to ten second delay. Don't copy: people notice, and you'll look like a weirdo.
- No note taking. Note takers look distracted. Hold eye contact instead.
- Let them talk 80% of the time; you talk 20%. Ask about specific properties, partnership structures, and their most expensive mistake.
- Uptones invite response and open doors. Downtones state facts and fix your price.
- Practice tonality in low-stakes places (restaurants, coffee shops) until animation is your default.
Apply this proactively to every single meeting and you're going to go a whole lot further.
Watch the full video above for the tonality demos, which land better heard than read. Part three covers the exact questions and the full format of the owner meeting. If you want the longer version of this training, you can learn about my mentorship at mentorship overview, and there's a free course on getting started in multifamily at multifamilystrategy.com/get-free-training. We also run a Facebook group where you can find people to practice these conversations with.
Read the episode transcript
0:00 the secret sauce that people don't focus 0:01 on here's how you master it do this when 0:04 you order food at a restaurant do this 0:06 when you talk to Baristas at Starbucks 0:08 when you are out in public practice up 0:09 toes down toes be 0:11 animated welcome back this is part two 0:13 of the sales marketing Master Class the 0:16 soft skills for how to negotiate deals 0:18 in part one we talked about booking the 0:19 meeting you need more ad bats if you 0:21 haven't seen that video yet the link is 0:23 below check it out if you can get in 0:26 front of people consistently when I 0:27 learned the skills there I went from a 0:29 low six figure to a multi6 figure in 0:31 sales just from booking more meetings 0:34 more opportunities more meetings is 0:36 awesome but once you're actually in that 0:37 meeting what we're talking about today 0:39 what are some of those soft skills that 0:42 make your meetings fantastic in our next 0:44 video we're going to cover some of the 0:45 talk tracks that we have but I think 0:47 this is the real this is the real meat 0:49 of it if I engage in the meeting say the 0:52 same things as you do but I say it 0:55 differently than you do and my body 0:56 language is different than yours I will 0:59 outsell you 1:00 by a huge margin now I bought $35 1:03 million of real estate I've sold over 1:05 $10 million of real estate both for 1:07 myself and as a real estate broker I've 1:09 sold for the co-star group I've done 1:10 hundreds of millions of dollars of 1:12 contract in marketing contracts in sales 1:15 contracts I've done it in data contracts 1:19 I've even done it in apparel I have sold 1:21 a ton of a ton of product across 1:24 Industries these skills relate exactly 1:27 one to one just translate perfectly to 1:29 real estate state so you've booked a 1:31 meeting you're now sitting in front of 1:32 the cell here is the soft skills that 1:36 you need first of all your conversation 1:38 is going to follow a story arc and this 1:40 is so important if you're trying to sell 1:41 out 1:42 anything there is an overarching 1:45 beginning an end we call this an anchor 1:47 in the movie The Wolf of Wall Street 1:49 there's a point in the movie where you 1:51 have Matthew mccon beating his chest oh 1:54 talking about sales teaching Jordan 1:57 delfor who's played by DiCaprio about 2:00 sales later he brings that same chess 2:03 beat and chant back into the movie this 2:05 is supposed to bring you back to the 2:06 front of the movie remind you of all the 2:08 character development but it is a tie-in 2:10 movies use anchors because this works 2:12 you need an anchor point to your meeting 2:15 so when I get into a meeting yeah 2:16 there's a verbal agenda and I go over 2:18 what the meeting is going to entail but 2:20 there's a piece of the story now if you 2:22 watched part one of this series I talk 2:24 about telling a story using a specific 2:28 fact to ask a general 2:31 question my example I used retiring my 2:33 wife which was my actual goal I bought a 2:35 couple duplexes hey what I'm trying to 2:37 do is retire my wife she had recently 2:39 got injured at work so my goal of 2:41 retiring her one day through duplexes 2:43 needed to be accelerated so my reason 2:45 for the call is I'm reaching out to 2:47 people specifically who have done the 2:49 thing that I want to do they' bought 2:50 bigger real estate they can maybe help 2:52 me move faster that's why I'm calling it 2:54 makes a ton of sense I reiterate this 2:56 point in this meeting I sat down thank 2:59 you so much for helping I've been 3:00 working on this for a while I've bought 3:02 these couple of duplexes it means the 3:04 world to me that you're sitting down 3:05 with me because you've done what I want 3:06 to do I believe that if I buy larger 3:09 buildings they have more tenants and 3:12 with more rentals there's more Topline 3:15 and with more top line there's more mod 3:16 one end of the day I need to make more 3:18 money which means I believe I need to do 3:20 bigger deals you are doing bigger deals 3:22 than me in the market that I want to do 3:24 them in I want to ask you a few 3:26 questions today but it looks now that is 3:28 that is setting our anchor while setting 3:30 a verbal agenda the next soft skill that 3:33 is so important through this whole thing 3:34 body language I'm going to keep this 3:36 very very 101 because you don't need to 3:38 go far past this to be way better than 3:40 everyone else in the space General 3:42 mirroring this does not mean copying 3:44 everyone you know they cross their Lane 3:45 you cross your leg they fold their arms 3:47 you fold their arms but generally 3:49 speaking if they're talking and they're 3:51 laidback I'm not going to copy 3:53 immediately but as I'm talking I'm just 3:55 noting okay they're a little bit 3:57 reclined I'm leaning forward this is a 3:59 little out of syn so as we talk I'll 4:02 slowly lay back a little bit and match 4:04 their General posture if their hands are 4:06 clasped like this at some point I'll 4:08 probably have my hands together very 4:11 much like this which apparently my 4:13 Cameron doesn't like when I do however 4:16 you generally Loosely mirror them don't 4:18 copy them people will notice it also you 4:20 look like a weirdo also you'll be 4:22 thinking too much about the body 4:23 language just generally throughout the 4:25 conversation notice what they're doing 4:27 and Loosely copy them with about a 5 to 4:30 10 second delay outside of that do not 4:33 take notes during this meeting note 4:35 takers are distracted you're not engage 4:38 with me eye contact is key look at those 4:40 eyes I want to see those eyes when 4:42 you're talking to me if I'm mirroring 4:44 your body language Loosely I'm looking 4:46 at you I'm giving good eye contact we're 4:47 having a great conversation we've 4:49 already set an anchor point so now we're 4:50 just telling a story along the storyline 4:52 we're asking questions we're learning 4:54 things we are letting them do about 80% 4:56 of the talking at US 20 you should be 4:58 asking a lot of questions this about how 5:00 they built their business individual 5:02 stories individual property stories like 5:04 how did you buy this specific property 5:05 what the partnership structure look like 5:08 when you got started what was the most 5:10 expensive mistake you made because I 5:11 don't want to make that one I'm trying 5:12 to learn from as many people as I can 5:15 who do I need to meet with next these 5:16 are all great questions you can ask and 5:18 we're going to go into in the next video 5:20 but as you go through the flow 5:21 especially if you start talking about a 5:23 deal this made a world of difference for 5:26 me tonality there's about six or seven t 5:29 that I use all the time in sales but 5:32 there's two that I use 95% of the time 5:34 and if you do this you're going to make 5:36 a lot more money it's uptones and down 5:38 tones an umone invites more response if 5:43 I want to negotiate or I want to 5:45 instigate a open-ended question I want 5:48 to get them talking I want to build 5:49 energy open-ended question if I'm 5:52 negotiating and I have a fixed point 5:54 it's going to be a fixed Point down tone 5:56 example we get through a deal that deal 5:59 work well for me however the price is 6:01 going to have to be 6:02 800,000 that doesn't invite more 6:04 response that's that's a fact it's what 6:06 it is it will be 800,000 as opposed to I 6:11 could probably do 800,000 I may be open 6:13 to more if you're willing to be a little 6:16 bit creative with financing now this a 6:18 little exaggerated I wouldn't usually 6:20 have like that level of voice crack but 6:21 you get the point if you're willing to 6:23 get creative with financing that would 6:24 be interesting as opposed 6:27 to I can't do that type of financing 6:30 this needs to be very specific this is 6:31 where the deal works for me now when I 6:34 go through this I'm going to be using up 6:35 tones and down tones if I'm stating a 6:36 fact it is a downt I'm trying to retire 6:38 my wife now how I do this is going to 6:41 depend very much on the strategies that 6:44 I follow I'm really curious on how you 6:45 got started up up and down what most 6:48 people do is they focus on the words and 6:51 so you're there your body language may 6:53 be a little bit stiff you might be like 6:54 how that's owner meeting I haven't done 6:56 this in a while where where do my hands 6:58 usually go I'm I'm GNA 7:00 uh hey uh I'm I'm looking to retire my 7:04 wife uh she has been you might be 7:06 looking off feeling a little 7:09 awkward into their eyes relax the 7:14 shoulders uptones down tones have some 7:16 animation have some fun with it my wife 7:19 got injured 7:21 fact I have been looking for ways to 7:25 accelerate my investing strategy I 7:27 bought a couple of duplexes 7:30 I'm curious how you got started in 7:33 buying bigger 7:35 buildings now they have a opportunity to 7:37 talk it's so simple and if you're the 7:40 one person who's GNA comment like this 7:42 was the most simple thing I've ever 7:43 heard this is stupid advice you're 7:45 probably the same person who's gonna 7:46 just monotone blather on in one of these 7:49 meetings this is like the secret sauce 7:52 that people don't focus on here's how 7:53 you master it do this when you order 7:56 food at a restaurant do this when you 7:58 talk to Barista Starbucks when you are 8:01 out in public practice up toes down toes 8:03 be animated when you say a sentence be 8:05 like wow did I say that with conviction 8:07 do I go up and down with my voice does 8:10 my volume stay the same all the time or 8:12 am I when I'm thinking am I a little 8:14 quieter when I'm animated I'm a little 8:16 bit louder you're not yelling in their 8:17 face but you get the point if you could 8:19 be a little bit more animated speak with 8:22 your body let your voice go up and down 8:24 just focus on that you're better than 8:26 99.9% of people yes there are more T Al 8:29 you can use yes you can read the book 8:32 Jordan B for actually listen to it on 8:33 audio because it's really hard to read 8:34 about 8:36 tonali you can learn a ton of tonalities 8:38 and I lace a ton of them through my 8:41 pacing the way that I talk but at the 8:44 end of the day if you're just the person 8:46 who's really engaged has great body 8:48 language and can hold a conversation 8:51 with some emphasis in their voice it's 8:53 clear when you're making a statement or 8:55 asking a question you're going to go 8:57 farther than most people apply this to 8:59 every single meeting proactively you're 9:02 going to go a whole lot further I hope 9:03 this helped in our next video we're 9:04 going to share some of the questions 9:06 that we ask and the actual format for 9:09 that owner meeting see you on the next 9:11 episode
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